Family traditions? While we celebrate Easter, Christmas, and thanksgiving, I don't think we have and particular traditions. However, my church has always been more of a family and a sanctuary when I am frightened or in trouble. One tradition of my church that I will always treasure is on Good Friday. While it is not fun, it is thrilling in a spine tingling way. During most of the service there is no organ because it is too celebratory and goes into the tomb with Jesus, but we do have a string quartet. At the very end of the service, even the string quartet is too joyful, so everything is a cappella, (sung without instrumental accompaniment,) from there on out. After singing the psalm, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me" in darkness dispersed only by the dimmest of flashlights so that we can barely read, we sing Pange Lingua as we leave the church. Despite the pervading sorrow, this is a precious time, because the despair at losing Christ makes one realize what is most precious. Also, it is so solemn and silent that one cannot escape God and must be drawn closer.

I truly wish I could reread every book for IDC, relive every class and practice my aural skills more. However since this is not possible I have to prioritize by test dates and difficulty. I think my hardest class is IDC so I will concentrate on that, and the only other midterm before fall break is economics, which consists of an eight to ten page essay. With the first, the scope of the class is too enormous with the second; the length of that paper is beyond comprehension. Having reduced myself through terror to something resembling a blob of jelly I now have to, break it into manageable pieces. Since I have a remarkably short attention span, I know that I need to give myself variety so schedule my next week by the hour. First, I list the nonnegotiable items, such as classes and then I set a bedtime, since apparently, a lot depends on my ability to write which is utterly lacking and if I do not sleep I will simply cry instead of writing. Then I write down what I need to do and divide it into manageable chunks. I will use the study guide that my Professor posted and try to write down answers to all the questions and those that I do not know will then make their way into my notes and hopefully my brain. For dates and other things that need to be flat out memorized, I still use flashcards. For my economics paper I will make sure to visit the party websites in the morning when the internet is faster and to take notes as I go and then write an outline when I start to feel overwhelmed so that I can see what I have learned and what is lacking material. Mostly, I look at what has worked well in the past and use that, remembering my weak points and working around them and trying to plan how to use my time wisely.

Failing and Learing

I have always been a perfectionist, overachiever or whatever you want to call it. I hate being second best at anything-imperfect calculus test left me in tears for hours. My most effective learning experience was learning to ride horseback. Horses are beautiful creatures but my sister had been riding much longer than I had so obviously she was much better at it. Silly though it may seem to be in competition with someone seven years younger than I, it was hard to be beaten by her. I would watch her sail over jumps while I was merely allowed to trot around the ring. Eventually I learned to admire her grace and agility on horseback but it was not easy and some days I succeeded better than others. I still cry over an A- but it does not incapacitate me; this makes everything so much easier and while I still work hard, I no longer berate myself so much over not achieving perfection.
My best in class learning experience was in writing-by far my least favorite class. In one assignment I had to take notes on one chapter of any subject twice a week. I hated doing it but I found that when I came to tests I could remember lucidly anything I had taken notes on and suddenly my notebook was my best friend instead of my enemy. I took notes on all my subjects in various little notebooks and while my mother thought I was crazy she could see that this made it much easier for me. Now having this skill makes it possible for me to remember lectures which otherwise would be in one ear and out the other.

According to dictionary.com integrity has three meanings. One has to do with a person's honesty and adherence to moral and ethical principles which reminds me of our own honor code. So our integrity at a bare minimum involves not doing things-like stealing and cheating. My own integrity also involves doing what needs to be done-not only what is expected but also lending a helping hand when you see someone in need and going the extra mile when someone asks you for something.

Next in the list of meanings has to do with an empire's integrity-complete and undiminished. Since it mentions preservation this might be like making sure that our honor code is kept. If we ignore others twisting or breaking our code then this disturbs the solidity of our system. While a couple infringements are not going to bring the whole idea crashing to an ugly halt they will hurt a few people and those will be more inclined to break rules so it could start a domino effect and even if it does not then it still chips off a part of our integrity.

Lastly is listed a sound condition and it is compared with a ship’s hull. Failing to set out with a sound hull can mean death to all aboard the vessel and if we do not keep our communal integrity then we will not learn as well because we are plagued with worry and stressed further than we already are. If we keep our honor code as a community and our personal integrity then we can build our empire and sail into the future with all sails spread and no fear for a half rate vessel.

Distraction is the main issue for me. I have never been exposed to constant presence of so many wonderful people and I want to go do everything with everybody. With involvement fairs, mixers and friends and I cannot do everything along with homework and practice. I really never studied even for my duel credit course since calculus came easily to me and I seemed to understand it better than my teacher so this studying stuff is all strange to me. Making myself set aside time for studying will my goal. If I do not finish my assignments in the time allotted then I will make myself cut into my ‘fun time,’ all seventeen hours of it. Once I am started studying I can manage to shut out the rest of the world fairly completely and work on what I need to but I also need to retain what I am reading a little better but I am not sure how to do that. I find taking notes helps but then sometimes I go back to review and either cannot read or cannot understand my notes. Perhaps the suggestion of fairly promptly rereading my notes and fleshing them out would help so I will try that too.

I am so excited to be here at Converse but I really miss my church friends this morning when I should be seeing them. I suppose I spent most of the summer substituting at different churches so I wasn't at home much. This morning I went to Church of the Advent Episcopal since I am a cradle Episcopalian. Now that I know how to get there I hope I can manage to get there next time before the service starts without having to come back to Converse to look up directions because I am an idiot. Actually my only problem was that it was farther than I thought so I went almost all the way there and came back because I thought surely I had gone far enough. However I eventually made my way there and was rather underwhelmed by the organist but she was a substitute so I shall likely try again sometime so that I can meet their organist. I would love to find a church that has regular evensongs as mine back home did but I doubt that choir is up to the challenge but what choir is while their director is away? Even the fabulous choir I was raised in grew rather sparse if the organist took a holiday!